Spending a whole day at MD Anderson really makes you realize that you have cancer. You really are sick, but along with that realization you spend so much time at different offices and getting different tests done that you don't really have time to think about. You just have to repeat your history over and over and get used to the poking and prodding. My whole life I have had health issues, so I think I have such a high pain tolerance that all the tests that I have had done, while not pleasant, were bearable. This will help along the way and throughout the whole process. I know I have a lot more in store for me and this process has thus far not affected my everyday activities so I am trying to make the most of this precious time I have. I sure will miss Zumba!!!
Everyone I met Monday was so nice and very sympathetic and willing to provide whatever support I will need throughout this experience. Every doctor or nurse or PA or X-ray technician I met I made sure to thank for their help b/c I am lucky to be at MD Anderson and be getting the best treatment out there. With that said I should know more about the treatment plan by Friday after all the tests are reviewed, but most likely it will be chemo/radiation, surgery, and then chemo again.
I am not going to lie, the surgery is what scares me b/c with my history or Colitis and Crohns I will most likely have to have a total
proctocolectomy with end Ileostomy. That is removal
of all of the large intestines and rectum and bringing the last piece
of the small intestines (the ileum) up through the abdominal wall to make
the stoma. This would mean a bag on the outside of me for the rest of my life, which makes me very sad. This is what I have been trying to avoid my whole life, and is not unusual in Crohns patients, but I was hoping I would never have to do this drastic surgery. Now don't get me wrong, there are other options, and I have started to do research on these as well as, but with my history the likelihood of recurrence is higher without getting this procedure done and thus I have to take all this into account. I do not want to go through cancer again later in life if I can help it. This final decision will be made Friday after reviewing past records as well as all the current tests I am having done this week. Staging as well as grading will help with this choice as well. I just pray that this decision brings me no regrets down the road, so I am starving for knowledge right now to help me understand all my options.
I also have another big choice to make. I might delay my first round of chemo and radiation if the doctors say its OK to go through IVF (in vitro fertilization). This would be to harvest my eggs for the possibly of having kids down the road, because most likely after all is said and done I will be infertile. This is something I really want, as I have always wanted kids and having my own eggs to use for this would be the best case scenario. I spent 4 hours in the fertility clinic today having more tests done and was told that I should go eat a big juicy cheeseburger after I got my blood drawn b/c they took over 15 tubes of blood and as you can imagine if you know me, my lips were a little blue after that, so I followed their orders and had the cheeseburger as well as a chocolate brownie cookie to help me feel better. I like it when doctors orders include eating food that I might not otherwise indulge in.
Hopefully I get the ok from my docs at Anderson to have this done, but if not I know that there are so many more options out there for people that want kids, and am more than willing to explore any and all of these. There are so many kids out there that need good homes, and I would be more than willing to provide this in the future. Just being a Mom no matter what way that happens would be an amazing privilege to me.
That's all for now, I have no tests scheduled for tomorrow, just have to track down old records to review to help with Friday's decision, so I am going to go for my first full day of work in a few days and I am excited about a day of distraction to help my mind and soul relax from all the stress of the past few days. Work is a great distraction for me and I think it will be therapeutic in a way over the next few months. Even though it has just been a few days I have missed thus far, I miss my lab mates smiles when I tell them we have an item they thought we had run out of. I miss my lunch break where I can read trashy gossip columns about the most recent Bachelorette episode. I miss the excitement of a cloning project working the way I had expected. So tomorrow will be a good day!!!
