Let the countdown begin

So just an update for everyone. I will start chemotherapy and radiation on Wednesday and go every week day for the next 5 1/2 weeks. My last day will be August 8th and that day is what I have in mind. I am taking a chemo pill for this first set of chemotherapy, so I am very lucky about that and will just have to go in for my radiation treatments at the end of the day. They have made my schedule so that I can just leave work at the end of the day and head over get my treatment and then go home. I am very aware that there will be good days and bad days and I am the first to whole heartedly admit that I am a little afraid. I would not be human if I was fearless going into this whole process. But I know that it is what I have to do to get better and being afraid is ok.

 I have some AMAZING people in my life and I know that I will have all the help I need to get through this one day at a time. My family has been a blessing to me and I am grateful to have them, and especially grateful to have my parents here in Houston. Never have I been more happy to have them live just 5 minutes from me. All the phone calls from my relatives and friends have touched my heart so much. As well as the messages, emails, and phone calls from people I have not been in contact with for some time, you all have helped me already by reaching out, and I want to thank you. I am even blessed to have people who have gone through this crazy process to give me advice and be there to listen when I need to talk to someone that knows how I am feeling, this means more to me than they will ever know. So a big THANK YOU to everyone.

I plan on doing exactly what the doctors said and try to live life as normal as possible for the next few months, so I will be social, workout, and work as much as possible. So do not be shy about letting me know when fun things are going on. I know that there will be bad days, but when I am having a good day I will need this.

Some things are just out of our control

I am sorry if I have been distant from people, the past few days, but I have just been going through a lot of emotions, and I am beginning to realize that this is going to be the norm for awhile.. I appreciate everyones' emails, facebook posts, calls and texts more than you will know even if you do not hear it directly from me.. 

I had a very bad flare up with my cancer last night and without going into too much detail about it, it resulted in me deciding that I could not wait to start my cancer treatment the three weeks it would take to do IVF and I am going to have to start chemo and radiation as soon as possible to prevent the cancer from getting any worse then it already is. I had desperately  hoped that this would not happen and  that my body would let me have the three weeks I needed to have my eggs frozen but unfortunately this is not the case. .I am meeting with my Oncologist on Friday to get everything final and set in motion so by next week  I should hopefully be starting all my treatment. As with anything in life things just are not predictable and this just happens to be another bump in the road, but my life is more important than having eggs frozen, b/c what good are frozen eggs if I not around to use them. So bring on  the chemo and radiation.

I love all you guys!!!

Decisons don't always come easy

So I had a follow-up meeting with both my oncologist and surgeon today and it was to mainly discuss treatment plans as well as to decide whether or not I could delay the treatment by three weeks in order to do IVF. They both gave me the go ahead with the IVF which I was happy about, but as typical cancer doctors, neither would tell me that there no risk involved with this decision. I am still struggling with this decision that I made, and the truth of the matter is that I will probably continue to second guess myself until I can start the chemo and radiation in three weeks. This is the only time I have waivered throughout this process, but I feel like there will only be more and more tough decisions along the way and once I make a decision I need to just stick with it and not think about it anymore. Easier said than done though. So distractions are welcome for the next three weeks.

One a happier note I found at that I most likely will be able to have surgery to remove my colon and have a temporary illeostomy and then after a few weeks after the surgery when everything has healed they would remove the illeostomy and reconstruct my insides and sew me back up. This was a huge relief to hear as I was under the impression that I would have to have a permanent bag. So I was definitely happy about this. It in fact made my day, or maybe even my month!!! Anytime you hear something better then you expected its a good thing in my book. I want to prepare myself for the worst possible side effects and then if it is better then it will be great. Some people might disapprove with this approach but I think it might be the only way I can truly get through this year.

I know more than the average person about this cancer and how it might affect me, due to my Crohns disease, my field of work, and just my need for  a wealth of knowledge going into anything I am involved with. This can be a good thing as well as a bad thing, but I am going to use it to my advantage as much as possible. I am sure I will hate the image below at some point in time.

I am planning on using this weekend to try and make myself relax and not think too much about the decisions I have made as well as the decisions ahead and just do more things to prepare myself for what lies ahead. Comfy yoga pants, organizing all my papers, making to do lists are on my agenda, as well as a little bit of fun.

First full day at MDA

 Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.  ~Winston Churchill

Spending a whole day at MD Anderson really makes you realize that you have cancer. You really are sick, but along with that realization you spend so much time at different offices and getting different tests done that you don't really have time to think about. You just have to repeat your history over and over and get used to the poking and prodding. My whole life I have had health issues, so I think I have such a high pain tolerance that all the tests that I have had done, while not pleasant, were bearable. This will help along the way and throughout the whole process. I know I have a lot more in store for me and this process has thus far not affected my everyday activities so I am trying to make the most of this precious time I have. I sure will miss Zumba!!!

Everyone I met Monday was so nice and very sympathetic and willing to provide whatever support I will need throughout this experience.  Every doctor or nurse or PA or X-ray technician I met I made sure to thank for their help b/c I am lucky to be at MD Anderson and be getting the best treatment out there. With that said I should know more about the treatment plan by Friday after all the tests are reviewed,  but most likely it will be chemo/radiation, surgery, and then chemo again.

I am not going to lie, the surgery is what scares me b/c with my history or Colitis and Crohns I will most likely have to have a total proctocolectomy with end Ileostomy. That is removal of all of the large intestines and rectum and bringing the last piece of the small intestines (the ileum) up through the abdominal wall to make the stoma. This would mean a bag on the outside of me for the rest of my life, which makes me very sad.  This is what I have been trying to avoid my whole life, and is not unusual in Crohns patients, but I was hoping I would never have to do this drastic surgery. Now don't get me wrong,  there are other options, and I have started to do research on these as well as, but with my history the likelihood of recurrence is higher without getting this procedure done and thus I have to take all this into account. I do not want to go through cancer again later in life if I can help it. This final decision will be made Friday after reviewing past records as well as all the current tests I am having done this week. Staging as well as grading will help with this choice as well. I just pray that this decision brings me no regrets down the road, so I am starving for knowledge right now to help me understand all my options.

I also have another big choice to make. I might delay my first round of chemo and radiation if the doctors say its OK to go through IVF (in vitro fertilization). This would be to harvest my eggs for the possibly of having kids down the road, because most likely after all is said and done I will be infertile. This is something I really want, as I have always wanted kids and having my own eggs to use for this would be the best case scenario. I spent 4 hours in the fertility clinic today having more tests done and was told that I should go eat a big juicy cheeseburger after I got my blood drawn b/c they took over 15 tubes of blood and as you can imagine if you know me, my lips were a little blue after that, so I followed their orders and had the cheeseburger as well as a chocolate brownie cookie to help me feel better. I like it when doctors orders include eating food that I might not otherwise indulge in.

Hopefully I get the ok from my docs at Anderson to have this done, but if not I know that there are so many more options out there for people that want kids, and am more than willing to explore any and all of these. There are so many kids out there that need good homes, and I would be more than willing to provide this in the future. Just being a Mom no matter what way that happens would be an amazing privilege to me.

That's all for now, I have no tests scheduled for tomorrow, just have to track down old records to review to help with Friday's decision, so I am going to go for my first full day of work in a few days and I am excited about a day of distraction to help my mind and soul relax from all the stress of the past few days. Work is a great distraction for me and I think it will be therapeutic in a way over the next few months. Even though it has just been a few days I have missed thus far, I miss my lab mates smiles when I tell them we have an item they thought we had run out of. I miss my lunch break where I can read trashy gossip columns about the most recent Bachelorette episode. I miss the excitement of a cloning project working the way I had expected. So tomorrow will be a good day!!!

The day that changed my life in an instant

A little about my history in case you do not know. I was diagnosed with Crohns disease when I was 12 years old and have had a roller coaster of a time dealing with it throughout my life, but I finally felt like I had it under control the last year or so. I was getting Remicade infusions once a month and have felt the best I have ever felt in the many years that I have had this disease. I recently started doing Zumba 5-6 times a week and eating better and was happy with everything in my life. Then the bomb hit.

6-7-2012 is the day that will forever change my life. I was called by my GI doctor b/c I had just had a routine colonoscopy on that Monday and my biopsy results were in. I thought I would get a simple over the phone summary of the results but when she asked me what I was doing and asked if I could come in, I knew something major was wrong.

I always knew one day I would be more susceptible to colon cancer b/c of my Crohns disease but never expected this bomb would happen so early on in my life. So I am now a cancer patient who will start treatment as soon as Monday. Thus far I know I have colon cancer and my CT scan showed only one lymph node in my abdomen being enlarged besides the 13 cm mass in the lower colon area. So as bad as this sounds this is AMAZING news. The cancer has not spread to any of my other organs, and this was the best news I had heard in the past few days. But now the hard part starts where I go to MD Anderson and get all the tests I need to get done so they can figure out the stage and grade of the cancer and then get on the path to a treatment plan.

I am going to use this blog to update all my friends and family about my health. I know I have a rough road ahead, but if you know me well enough you know that I am very strong and optimistic person who is ready to kick this cancers ass. I have the most amazing friends and family a girl could ask for and with this support system I know that even on the bad days a positive attitude is what will get me better faster.