So I had a follow-up meeting with both my oncologist and surgeon today and it was to mainly discuss treatment plans as well as to decide whether or not I could delay the treatment by three weeks in order to do IVF. They both gave me the go ahead with the IVF which I was happy about, but as typical cancer doctors, neither would tell me that there no risk involved with this decision. I am still struggling with this decision that I made, and the truth of the matter is that I will probably continue to second guess myself until I can start the chemo and radiation in three weeks. This is the only time I have waivered throughout this process, but I feel like there will only be more and more tough decisions along the way and once I make a decision I need to just stick with it and not think about it anymore. Easier said than done though. So distractions are welcome for the next three weeks.
One a happier note I found at that I most likely will be able to have surgery to remove my colon and have a temporary illeostomy and then after a few weeks after the surgery when everything has healed they would remove the illeostomy and reconstruct my insides and sew me back up. This was a huge relief to hear as I was under the impression that I would have to have a permanent bag. So I was definitely happy about this. It in fact made my day, or maybe even my month!!! Anytime you hear something better then you expected its a good thing in my book. I want to prepare myself for the worst possible side effects and then if it is better then it will be great. Some people might disapprove with this approach but I think it might be the only way I can truly get through this year.
I know more than the average person about this cancer and how it might affect me, due to my Crohns disease, my field of work, and just my need for a wealth of knowledge going into anything I am involved with. This can be a good thing as well as a bad thing, but I am going to use it to my advantage as much as possible. I am sure I will hate the image below at some point in time.
I am planning on using this weekend to try and make myself relax and not think too much about the decisions I have made as well as the decisions ahead and just do more things to prepare myself for what lies ahead. Comfy yoga pants, organizing all my papers, making to do lists are on my agenda, as well as a little bit of fun.
What a decision to have to make! So much to consider; so many questions we never dreamed we'd have to deal with. It seems like all these doctors - with their years of training and so-called "knowledge" - should be better able to guide these tough choices! But, ultimately, you are the wisest person in all of this. You have the deepest knowledge of what you value in life, what you want, and how best to go forward. Just know that whatever decision your mind + heart + soul come to about this, in the end, you have my full support and love. See you tomorrow, hon.
ReplyDeleteThe above post has great advice! Using knowledge and soul searching will lead you to the best choice for YOU. Your decision is based on the knowledge that you possess at the time....no second-guessing because things will change down the road...make the best decision that you can with the knowledge/information that you have at the time. If you feel the need to get out of town for some R&R, don't hesitate to give me a call. Take care and make it a great week!
ReplyDelete